Jokes
LAWYER BRAIN
There was a doctor walking down the sidewalk one day during the town sidewalk sale days. He noticed a stand that said 'brains for sale.' He went over to investigate and saw a sign that said 'Doctor brains .00 a pound and another sign that said Paramedic brains .00 a pound, Nurses brains .00 a pound, truck driver .00 a pound and lawyers brains .00 a pound. So he asked the man behind the cash register how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00, the man replied, 'do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
A TRUCK DRIVER AND A LAWYER
A Truck Driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the Road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride. A ways down the road the Truck Driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck on a direct course with the lawyer. Then he thought 'Oh no, I have a priest in the truck I can't run down this lawyer' and at the last second the Truck Driver swerved to miss the lawyer. But, the Truck Driver heard a thump outside of the truck; he looked in his rear-view mirror but didn't see anything. He turned to the priest and said 'Sorry Father, I just missed that Lawyer at the side of the road' And the priest said 'Don't worry son, I got him with my door'

Wishing well
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over and made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and was yelling and screaming because she was all wet. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"

Day off
Employee: Boss, can I have the day off tomorrow?

Boss: So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for: There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1-hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you are going to take that day off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LAWYER
One day, an engineer died. He was the kind of engineer that built stuff, like air conditioners. When he died, he went to heaven, and met God. God said hey! You're not on the list! Go to Hell!' So he walked down about 30,555,2091 flights of stairs, and met the devil. He said, 'Okay! Come on in!' While in hell, he made all sorts of things, like escalators, air conditioners, etc. One day, God called the devil and said' you know that engineer? Well, he's suppose to be up here.' So the devil said, 'Are you crazy? I won't give you this guy!' God said, 'Well if you don't, I'll sue!' So the devil said, 'Sue? You can't sue me! You don't have any lawyers up there!'

Jokes
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